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A return of sorts
Dec. 22nd, 2021 12:55 pmI miss blogging the way it used to be.
I used to have a deeply personal blog on my website. I was extremely candid about all sorts of things going on in my life, minus names and locations.
When social media became a thing, I just couldn't recapture the satisfaction of writing about my innermost thoughts online. Sharing the way I did on my blog in Facebook wasn't the same as posting to the aliased and anonymous folks who might stumble across my page. The people I was posting to actually knew me in the real world, so it was seen as oversharing, and people would interpret what I wrote in upsetting ways.
In the 90's and early 2000s, the internet is where I went to be truly myself, before I had the courage to do so in person. It's hard to explain to people who've not experienced what the internet was like in those days. The online world didn't merge so seamlessly with real life as it does now. It was customary to use nicknames and aliases, frowned upon to mention where we lived or any other personal details.
And there were many like me... lonely people looking for their tribe, and finding it in fandom forums, online games, Livejournal communities, IRC channels, and Usenet groups. We built our own websites from scratch, formed web circles, and linked one another. We met each other not through viewing names and pictures, but by common interest--and THEN, if we felt comfortable doing so, tried to get to know one another better.
There was a time where my online friends knew more about me than anyone I met in person. My real life persona was what felt fake to me. There, I was trying to be the semblance of a normal person so I wouldn't draw negative attention (after having experienced bullying as well as unrest at home). But online? I could be honest about myself without impacting the carefully curated identity I portrayed in person. I could even take on entirely distinct personae through the online games and forums I participated in.
It wasn't all good, of course. I didn't start to find happiness in my life until I stopped forcing my real life self to fit the expectations I thought others had of me. And while most folks I met online did me no harm, I met some predatory sorts that took advantage of my vulnerability.
But I still miss those days of online candor. Even if my anonymity was just an illusion, my blogging and other online activities brought a sense of freedom and relief that carried me through difficult times.
And sometimes I just want to express myself without being seen, if that makes sense?
So here I am.
I thank my friend Daryl for reminding me that dreamwidth exists. Hopefully this won't be my first AND last post!
I used to have a deeply personal blog on my website. I was extremely candid about all sorts of things going on in my life, minus names and locations.
When social media became a thing, I just couldn't recapture the satisfaction of writing about my innermost thoughts online. Sharing the way I did on my blog in Facebook wasn't the same as posting to the aliased and anonymous folks who might stumble across my page. The people I was posting to actually knew me in the real world, so it was seen as oversharing, and people would interpret what I wrote in upsetting ways.
In the 90's and early 2000s, the internet is where I went to be truly myself, before I had the courage to do so in person. It's hard to explain to people who've not experienced what the internet was like in those days. The online world didn't merge so seamlessly with real life as it does now. It was customary to use nicknames and aliases, frowned upon to mention where we lived or any other personal details.
And there were many like me... lonely people looking for their tribe, and finding it in fandom forums, online games, Livejournal communities, IRC channels, and Usenet groups. We built our own websites from scratch, formed web circles, and linked one another. We met each other not through viewing names and pictures, but by common interest--and THEN, if we felt comfortable doing so, tried to get to know one another better.
There was a time where my online friends knew more about me than anyone I met in person. My real life persona was what felt fake to me. There, I was trying to be the semblance of a normal person so I wouldn't draw negative attention (after having experienced bullying as well as unrest at home). But online? I could be honest about myself without impacting the carefully curated identity I portrayed in person. I could even take on entirely distinct personae through the online games and forums I participated in.
It wasn't all good, of course. I didn't start to find happiness in my life until I stopped forcing my real life self to fit the expectations I thought others had of me. And while most folks I met online did me no harm, I met some predatory sorts that took advantage of my vulnerability.
But I still miss those days of online candor. Even if my anonymity was just an illusion, my blogging and other online activities brought a sense of freedom and relief that carried me through difficult times.
And sometimes I just want to express myself without being seen, if that makes sense?
So here I am.
I thank my friend Daryl for reminding me that dreamwidth exists. Hopefully this won't be my first AND last post!
